Life

So I left…part III

​When I woke the next morning, I realized I had slept more than a few hours. That was a first. Daddy’s leaving meant I didn’t have an outlet which meant insomnia. I think I exhausted myself with the crying and ended up sleeping through the night.

I went to work and cried. I called Husband and checked in on him and daughter. I asked that we FaceTime later that evening. He agreed. We argued again. He accused me of running away again. I held my ground and talked to my friend again. Admitted that our marriage, while it had some good parts, was overall unhealthy. She encouraged me to stick to the plan of marriage counseling.

When I made it back to my uncle’s house that evening, a young man by the name of Jay was there. He’s a friend of my uncle’s and has always been friendly to me. He asked me where my husband was. I told him we were having a fight.

“Want to talk about it? Maybe I can offer some advice,” he suggested.

He began talking about his exes and I listened, eager to hear about someone else’s relationships.

“Well, maybe Husband just doesn’t find me attractive anymore,” I admit. “I mean, let’s be real. I’ve gained a lot of weight.”

Jay scoffs. “Nonsense. My daughter’s mom is built like you.”

A bitter snort escapes me. “What, fat?”

Jay sighs and rolls his eyes. “You’re not fat, you’re chubby. Besides, who the hell cares as long as those curves are in all the right places?” I laugh and shake my head. This man is nutty and clearly blind. “I think you have limited options. You need to make a decision.”

I frown. “Yeah, I know. I’m not sure what it is yet though.”

“Good luck.”

I take a shaky, deep breath and ask him if he’s ever gone a long time without having sex in a relationship. He admits he hasn’t. I tell him Husband and I are struggling in that area. He’s not into my kinks and I don’t think vanilla sex turns me on anymore. Other issues have spilled into the bedroom. And I’m tired.

He gives me a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry. I don’t have any advice for you. I’ve never had to deal with that, so I don’t understand where your husband is coming from. You don’t have many options.”

I almost cry. “I know.”

“What are your kinks?”

I shift in my seat, embarrassed. “I can’t say.”

He smirks. “What, like spanking and S/M stuff?”

“Oh I love spankings.” It just pops out of my mouth and we both look at each other in shock for a moment. “I’m so sorry. That was so inappropriate. I shouldn’t have said that!” I wish the floor would just swallow me up and end my embarrassment. My face is flaming.

We sit in stunned silence for a moment and then burst into laughter.

“It’s ok,” he says, grinning. “Ok. You do realize that you’re not weird or anything right? People have been having kinky sex since the dawn of time.”

“I didn’t know that when I started dating my husband,” I admit. “I thought my fantasies were weird, so I kept them to myself.”
He shakes his head. “No, not weird. What are some of your kinks?”

I list off a few of the more innocent ones and he nods, face neutral. I sigh and look away, but not before noticing him attempting to adjust himself discreetly. Huh?

My nervousness returns. I haven’t had a man physically respond to me like that in person in a very long time. With Husband, when he does respond there’s not much passion there. Jay’s eyes have gotten lower and darker. I peer a little closer and notice that he seems to be struggling to keep his face neutral. I stand up quickly and make an exit.

“Gotta go change out of these work clothes,” I laugh. It sounds high pitched.

“Mind if I watch?” he asks, only half joking. I shake my head and hurry out of the room, attempting to deep breathe. When I come back, I’m wearing sweats and a t-shirt, the safest outfit I can think of.

He rolls his eyes. “Why did you change out of your jeans?”

“Pft, sweats are comfy!”

I hurry downstairs to sit with my uncle and he follows. He pulls out a bag of pot and rolls a blunt. Uncle and I partake. The entire time, I feel Jay’s hungry eyes on me. We keep locking eyes and the tension is palpable. What’s worse is that my traitorous body is responding. My panties are soaked, nipples tight. It doesn’t help that he’s handsome. 6’4, dark chocolate skin, lean muscular body. This is not good.

Panicked, I text my friend and tell her my dilemma.

Don’t do it, she frantically writes back. I’m not judging you, but you can’t take it back if you go down that path. Figure shit out with your husband first. Don’t be like me and do what I did. I wish I would have just waited until I was divorced.

I take a cleansing breath and type back, Thank you so much. I needed to hear that. It’s so tempting and it’s been such a long time since I’ve had passionate sex. Thank you.

Husband calls, ready to FaceTime with the kiddo. I excuse myself and go upstairs, ignoring Jay’s looks. An hour passes, and when I make it back downstairs, he’s left. I sigh a sigh of relief. That was too close for comfort.

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