Life

Tired.

So it’s happened. Daddy’s life has changed (for the better). I don’t expect to hear from him any time soon and would probably scold him if I did. He needs time to readjust and refocus. We didn’t officially break up. He said he’d reach out when he had a chance. He has my full support and I’m really happy for him.

The numbness is still there. I worked late yesterday because I didn’t want to go home. When I came in, Husband seemed happy to see me. It’s weird…it’s like I can see myself talking and interacting with him but I’m not really there. Like an out of body experience. Odd. I sounded fine, but I wasn’t. I was/am still hurt. Husband gave me a chaste peck on the lips. I didn’t return it.

I focused on getting the kiddo fed, cleaned and in bed. Then he laid on the couch and I retreated to my bedroom. Showered and went to bed. Husband slept on the couch for the fourth time this week.

I vented on a public forum (anonymously) yesterday. The comments were interesting. Most blamed me. For my relationship with Daddy. For “emasculating” Husband by attempting to educate him about my kink. For not divorcing him. For not knowing about my kinks before I married Husband. For being upset and pouty when he told me I was taking too long to orgasm. For not being able to look past that and try to continue having sex. For not indulging in his desires more.

It’s my fault. 

I’ve reached out to a psychiatrist to get on antidepressants. And I’ve reached out to a gyno for birth control. The birth control will kill my libido. The antidepressants will counteract the depression from the birth control.

And I absolutely refuse to cry.

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