Life

Numbness

Everything hurts.

My left shoulder is throbbing. I can feel my spine ache every time I exhale. Got up this morning and stumbled around on swollen, painful feet.

Everything hurts but I’m numb.

It takes me 30 minutes to gain enough momentum to get ready for work. I operate on autopilot, noting at one point that I look decent enough for a professional workplace. I get in my car, drive, not paying attention to the time. I somehow make it to work, park and take a deep breath.

This is it. Showtime. Because of my position, I interact with employees all day long. I’m primarily responsible for promoting a positive culture in our office. I’m supposed to be happy. So as soon as I get out of the car, I paste a bright smile on my face and walk in. I’m immediately greeted by someone. Chipper Ariel is on deck. I beam, make small talk, make a funny joke.

As soon as they move on, the numbness resettles.

Last night, I was feeling randy and asked Husband to perform oral on me. It had been about six months since the last time. He agreed, we giggled and he started in. Ten minutes passed. I ell myself to relax, enjoy it. 15 minutes pass. I feel an orgasm building. 20 minutes and I’m almost most there….

He stops, right before I orgasm and looks up in frustration.

“Don’t stop!” I almost shout.

“I can’t breathe and my neck hurts,” he shoots back. He places gentle kisses on my thighs, but I can barely feel them since I’m still on the edge of what was promising to be a sweet orgasm. Finally, sensing my frustration and disappointment, he strips off his clothes and climbs on top of me. He tries to enter, but my body is tense, I’m angry and it fucking hurts. I ask him to move his legs up a bit, he tries but fails. “Your butt is too big,” he says. We try another position, same result.

“What would you like for me to do?” I ask, looking up at him. In the past, whenever I’ve suggested something and it doesn’t work, it adds to his frustration. “Wanna try doggy style?”

We try, but the bed is too high and he’s not tall enough. Fuck. He snaps something unpleasant at me, and I turn over to look at him. “Let’s just stop.”

“No, let’s not stop!”

“Ok, so what do you want me to do?”

“I want you to fucking work for it!”

My eyes widen. “Work for it?”

“Yeah, instead of just laying there and asking questions. Fucking put some effort in!”

Any moisture that had gathered between my legs dries up instantly. He storms off to the bathroom to take a shower, and I lie back down, stunned. After a few minutes, he comes out and dries off silently, tossing on some clothes before looking at me. “Hey, I’m sorry that I was harsh with you.” The apology seems forced and insincere.

“Just go away,” I mumble. I can’t look at him. I’m so embarrassed.

“What?”

“Go away.”

He does, and I spend another night alone in an empty bed. On cue, Daddy pings me. I begin to tell him what happened, but it’s too embarrassing. I’m mortified. Am I really bad at sex? Is this why we have an near dead bedroom? What kind of man would want to be with a woman who doesn’t know what she’s doing in bed?

I toss and turn before falling asleep. When I wake this morning, the numbness is there. I have no idea how to interact with Husband today. More importantly, I have no desire to figure it out. This numbness is kinda nice.

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