So…yesterday was a shit show. Oy.
Husband is a sadist. He might not be a full on kinkster, but he gets his jollies (frequently) from causing me pain. It works since I’m a masochist (although my pain level is not nearly as high as his ability to give it). I asked Husband if he wouldn’t mind play wrestling with me and using the clamps. And maybe giving me a hard spanking if he was up to it. I didn’t even want sex. I just wanted to be physical with someone.
Much to my surprise, he said yes. He was tired, but he’d try to summon some energy for me after the kiddo went to bed. However, when I got home his parents called…and informed us that they would be visiting for a week. Starting this Saturday. As in three days from now.
His parents are a point of contention between us. They bullied me for over a decade. They refused to come to our wedding. He finally stood up to them the night of our daughter’s first birthday and they didn’t speak for a year. Finally, his parents apologized to him and Husband begrudgingly let them back in to our lives.
His mother is a snoop, though, and I’m incredibly private so match meet gasoline. The fact that they will be in my personal safe space for an entire week without me being home did not sit well with me. I freaked the fuck out on Husband and our plans for a play session were put on ice.
When I calmed down and all was well with Husband again, I talked to Daddy on his way home from work. I tried to talk to him about what was bothering me, but he kept changing the subject. The more I tried to get him on track, the more he evaded me. It was very uncharacteristic of him. Finally, in a fit of frustration and confusion, I ended our conversation and went to bed.
This morning, I woke up super confused and hurt. What was going on? Was Mercury in retrograde? Since when did my daddy not want to talk to me about something that was important?
Daddy was the one to bring it up as I made my way to work. He said he felt bad for the way things ended the night before. And that he hated not being able to give me what I needed but the thought of me playing with anyone else made him super jealous (outwardly I was pissed but I kinda died of happiness hearing that LOL). It upset him when I pointed out that he wasn’t into inflicting pain. I think it made him feel inadequate.
But my feelings were hurt and I was pissed the fuck off about it. I told him that it was not fair for him to just up and change the subject on me because he didn’t want to talk about something. It sends the message that I’m not important to him. Not cool. I also reminded him that he could have simply said, “No. I don’t want you playing with anyone else.” Because he’s new to this dynamic, I think he has a hard time understanding the level of control he has. And I think he worries that he might end up being too bossy with me.
I then clarified that I wasn’t looking to be bloodied and bruised during play. I just wanted to play with my clamps and plug. Those two things provide more than enough pain for me right now. He admitted that the clamps and plug turned him on, too.
We ended things on a good note, but man! What a mess, all thanks to lack of communication.