“Why do you write your blog?” my therapist asked.
It’s a good question.
I write because it’s therapeutic. It’s a way for me to express my feelings in a safe space. I’m anonymous here–so my readers know me better than my family does.
I write because it’s a habit. I’ve been writing in a diary since I was eight years old. I’ve been blogging since I was 15. I was first published when I was 11. I don’t know how to not write (*patiently waits for English teachers across American to shudder*).
I write this particular blog because I want to give back to the community. I was lucky enough in the beginning of my journey three years ago to stumble across a blogger who shared her journey- the good, the bad, the ugly, the very ugly. It helped me tremendously- to see all facets of what it’s like coming into your own as a submissive and a little. I want to help others the way that she helped me. I write for that woman who has discovered there’s a name for this side of her and is afraid of what that means. For that woman who is resisting giving into her childlike nature because society says it’s wrong. For the submissive who doesn’t understand why her relationship doesn’t mirror the books (because isn’t it supposed to??).
I chronicle my mistakes because I want someone to learn from them. Or maybe to know that they’re not alone in making them. That it’s ok to be imperfect. It’s ok to cry.
Finally, I write because I don’t see enough blogs about online D/s. And it bugs me. There are tons of people out there who play online. Who have actual relationships online. Who fall in love and stay together for years online. Some are single, some are married. Some are poly. Some have a mix of in person and online relationships. We live in a digital era and have been for quite some time now. I know a lot of kinksters like to pretend that in person relationships are somehow superior to online ones, but I call bullshit. Kate Kinsey, author of How to be a Happy and Healthy Submissive, touches on this:
“Many people are happy to purse BDSM strictly online, either through chat rooms, email or Skype. Because so much of BDSM is mental and emotional, valid and fulfilling relationships are possible, and it is certainly a safe way to get your feet wet. For some people, online is enough.”
My pen pal mentioned that if I wanted to find someone local, he was 100% sure that I would be able to. I replied back that I didn’t need to, I can get my ass spanked at home (albeit, not by someone who’s experienced but still, Husband can lay a heavy hand when needed). What I crave is the mental and emotional releases that come with submitting to someone. And online works with my crazy schedule.
So I hope that my blog has helped someone out there. And I’ll keep writing because I want to and because I need to.