I like to laugh a lot during sex. I’ve never had a sexual experience where I wasn’t grinning or chuckling. I like sex to be playful, even when I’m being punished. There’s something intoxicating about being able to laugh with your partner right before he shoves a plug up your ass.

Husband and I will tussle (almost every day) because it amuses him that I fight him and it just cracks me up. He likes my squeaks and squeals and my pseudo-karate moves. Last night, he ushered me into the shower. Naturally, I fought him every step of the way. Once we were in, he spun me around, wrapped his arm around my throat and pulled my head back. We were both gasping we were laughing so hard.

I attempted to do a women’s self defense move I’d learned: step on toes, elbow to gut, twist out. He’s a third degree black belt and anticipated my moves before I could even think about executing them.

“Did you just try to step on my toes?” he laughed.


“Didn’t work, did it?”

I bit him his arm and he responded with a firm bite on the fleshy underside of my arm. I cried “uncle” and we moved on.

We can play like this all day, every day. We’ve been doing it since we started dating 11 years ago. I like that he’s physically stronger and bigger than I am. Sometimes he’ll chase me through the house…me giggling like a loon and him allowing me to get a head start before he inevitably tackles me.

The problems start when I want more of that dominating side of him during sex- both physically and mentally. Because it’s not really his thing, he’s hesitant to do it. And if he does, it’s not necessarily enjoyable for me.

For example, last night he spun me around in the shower and asked me if I was a bad girl.

“Nope!” I said, and stuck my tongue out at him. He slapped my wet ass. “Ack!”

“Are you a bad girl?”

“Nope.” Smack! 

“Are you a bad girl?”

“NO!” Smack! 

“Ok, ok, I’m a bad girl!”

He smiled. “And what do bad girls do?”

“I don’t know the answer to that question,” I laughed. “What do bad girls do?” He was stumped. There are no definitions, no boundaries, no rules to be broken. What constitutes a ‘bad girl’ to him? He can’t tell me, I’ve asked.

And I, personally, always consider myself a ‘good girl’ (despite the fact that my Doms will tell you otherwise). So we just stood in the water staring at each other for a few moments before we moved on to other things.


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