I reach out to him because I’m weak. He replies back despite the ungodly hour. His relief to to hear from me is palpable. 

He pours his heart out to me. He really, really, really likes me. I’m beautiful, smart, cute, witty… Damn it, he wants to continue to be my Daddy but he can’t right now! And the time zone difference is making things harder. 

I sit listening. I feel numb. He apologizes over and over. My head feels fuzzy like it’s full of cotton balls. I attempt to crack a smile-a symbol of reassurance-but I don’t think my lips comply. I’m frozen. He keeps talking. I manage to ask a few obligatory questions but I don’t hear the answers. 

What I do hear is him asking that horrible fucking  question that is always asked before things are done: “Can we still be friends?”

I say sure. I don’t mean it though. Not yet anyway. He tells me he wants me to have the Daddy I deserve.

I hang up and go pour a tall glass of whiskey.

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