Random Thoughts

Random Ramblings

I’m feeling the writing bug again. Part of that is thanks to Daddy- when he found out I loved to write he asked me to write him a story. I tried four times before I could complete one. It got my writing juices flowing again which is great.

Yesterday, I was in a funk. Daddy hadn’t had much time for me thanks to work and I was not a happy camper. All of my doubts came rushing back. Much to my embarrassment, I’ve discovered I need to hear his voice at least once a day. Texting alone doesn’t work. I’m still working up the courage to ask him if we can hang out via video. He mentioned it once before and I panicked–what if he didn’t like talking to me face to face? What if I looked stupid? He hasn’t mentioned it again which I’m grateful for.

Anyway, I thought about going silent and ignoring his texts for 24 hours, but then decided that 1) I would miss him too much and 2) that wasn’t fair to him. (See? I can be mature when I want to be… šŸ˜› )

So when I woke up at 2 AM this morning (stupid insomnia) I shot him a message. We ended up talking for hours. He apologized for not giving me enough time this week and promised that he would do better. He seemed sincere about it. When I asked him how he would find time for us to be alone he simply said he would make the time. End of discussion. It’s weird to have someone tell me that they’re making time to just focus on talking to me with no distractions. I haven’t had that in a long time.

He’s so freakingĀ comfortable with me being little. He tends to call himself Daddy when speaking with me. Ā He always seems amused when we talk, says he loves to talk to me. He likes to talk about my stuffies and my obsession with candy. I tease that he’s like Gru fromĀ Despicable Me since he has a thick Eastern European accent and he doesn’t mind. I also tease that since he’s close to Russia he’s basically a little brown bear riding a bicycle (Family Guy fans will get the joke) and he just laughs. He seems fascinated with my little talk and keepsĀ saying how cute I am. I find myself wishing that he were closer–I’d love to curl up on his chest and suck a lollipop. Daddy sent me a pic of himself trying on a jacket yesterday at the mall and I was reminded again of how handsome he was. I kept looking at his narrow hips…I’d love to straddle them and ride him to the cows come home.

And then I remembered that I’m fat…and he’s not. What if he saw my stretch marks and rolls and cellulite and decided that he’s not interested in me that way anymore? I swallowed the video chat question. I briefly thought about never eating again.

He’s made me send him face pics when I wake up. When I refused, he used that damned “Dom voice”,Ā told me I was beautiful and said that if IĀ ever denied him a picture of my face due to not having makeup on again I’d have to sleep on the floor instead of the bed. I shiver thinking about how stern he was. I think I made him a bit angry assuming he wouldn’t want to see me.

The second time, I had to send him a pic of my face when I woke up- eye boogers and all. “But I’m such a beast in the morning!” I wailed. “So what? What if we slept together?” he replied. Ā “I want to see you NOW.” Once again, he told me I looked wonderful.

Does he know the effect he has on me? He seems so oblivious. It sounds like he just says whatever he’s thinking at the time. If I were a teen girl, I’d be on the phone with a girlfriend, squealing about him. I feel like I could talk about him for days.

This man is a unicorn. A deliciously handsome, wonderful and amazing unicorn.

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