​ Thoughts During and After

I thought about what I feel like before, during and after Husband and I have a scene together.

First, I use “scene” because I’m not sure what else to call it. But it’s not planned. It’s not discussed beforehand. It just…happens. Maybe that’ll change in the future (although I hope not). For now, I’ll use “scenes” until I come across a better word.

Anyway, usually before a scene I’m grouchy, anxious, etc. We only scene when I’m in a negative mood and it’s to break the tension between us. So far, never when he’s in a bad mood. He just lets me know to back off and I do.

Yesterday, I woke up from a much needed nap grouchy and kept snapping at him. In the back of my mind, I knew I would get in trouble but I keep waiting for him to slip up–for me to be mouthy and him to just ignore it. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and for us to go back to the way it was. I was surprised when he spun me around and delivered five firm swats to my backside, leaving it stinging. (I got about ten swats throughout the day and was sore by the end of the night lol.) The quick spanking broke the tension and made me laugh. Then we moved on.

During a punishment or an blatant act of dominance / submission, I tend to focus on what is happening. During the spanking, I’m not worried about cooking or cleaning or whatever. In that moment, the only thing I’m thinking about is the sting of the hand. I tend to giggle during the spanking (unless he’s using the paddle, in case I’m moaning and bracing myself for the next blow). That’s another thing: it depends on the instrument. Hand? I’m giggling. Paddle? I’m uber focused. Either way, I’m releasing tension and negative emotions.

When I realize my behind is sore (usually at the end of the day and into the next), I feel…cautiously optimistic. Cautiously happy. A sore bottom currently is a way to remember my submission and it has a calming effect on me. I like reminders of my submission. Wish I had more. 🙂

Usually after a paddling, I’m physically and emotionally spent. Putty. He only paddles when he plans on taking me after. By that time, the fight has been knocked out of me (although he loves a good tussling) and he can do whatever he pleases.

I just wish I had some insight to how he feels about this. He seems to enjoy it, but I would love to know if he enjoys it because I enjoy it, or he enjoys it because it feels right to him.


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